POST ONE-WEEK REHAB

For one week, I chose myself.

I was nobody else's mother...nobody else's wife...

Just one of three daughters who was excited to roam the streets of Singapore.

I spent time alone for one night in a hotel and was asleep by 9:30pm which never happens.

My social life became alive again.

My mind was clear...happy...at peace.

You messaged on DAY 1 saying have a safe trip which really took me by surprise. It was such a sweet message and I got the feeling that you would really miss me..

You sent a Viber text on DAY 2 saying you were so taken aback by the relief goods I sent which I think you really appreciated.

On DAY 4, I couldn't resist it any longer so I sent you a text...you were surprised and happy to hear from me but then you proceeded to tell me all about your crazy girl's most recent antics. That was a frustrating day since I just spent it at the hotel resting.

On DAY 5, you sent me a drunk Viber message saying you missed me because you were in a bar with an imaginary person watching our friend Papa Bong. It was a first time we chatted (since you replied promptly for a change even though you were already wasted)..and it made me feel good even though you said you were with crazy chick before.

On the last and 6th day, I received a Viber message from you wishing me a safe trip back and that Smirnoff bottles were waiting for me in the office. Were you waiting for me too? You admitted it when I finally came back...you were drunk (again) and hugged me tight before I left.

You came to my rescue on the 7th day...you were a shoulder to cry on...

We spent time together...we hugged...we kissed...we did things that we shouldn't have done but I realized how much you missed me. That even your friends missed me.

Why isn't it enough for me?

Why do I still feel that I want more?

Why are you not choosing me still?

We are just persons you say....FOR NOW.

You love me...as a friend...that's what you keep telling me.

I smile and laugh each time but it hurts me that you only feel that way towards me.

Maybe it's time I stay away. Maybe I should continue this rehab. Maybe it's time I finally let go of any hope that we will be more someday....that you will eventually realize that I am the right choice for you.

Because when I am with you...I still cannot reach you and I feel so alone.

Why can't you save me? Why can't you catch me?

I'm drowning and you have no idea that it's because of you.